Titles

Coming up with a title for a post is something that is entirely too stressful. "Well, then title it after you right it" you are saying to yourself right now. If I were in your head, I might say back "but the title space comes first, and therefore must be done first." To which you might reply "it doesn't really matter, just do it afterwards. Then it's relevant to your topic, and you don't stress. Problem. Solved." I would then say "we'll just have to agree to disagree."

Really, this has nothing to do with my topic today. I was just stressing too much over what to call this post.

It seems that everywhere I look there are babies blossoming... except for in my own stomach. This revealation is fuelled mostly by my new friend and her 'bout to burst belly (I'm a fan of alliteration) and the pregnancy proclomations on other blogs I follow.
I WANT LIFE INSIDE OF ME. I think that this is a totally normal desire, one of the few I have, including marriage and nesting, no matter how strongly I feel the desire. I want to feel the kicks to my ribs from the inside of me. I want the strange cravings. I even want the morning sickness. I want to be a mother. Fiercely. Most of the time, it's my husband and my home that leaves me pining badly. Lately it's been the thought of being a mother. Of making a nursery ready. Of prenatal vitamins and Lamaze classes. Of holding a tiny, precious baby girl in my arms 9 months later.

Again I tell myself that I am not ready for this HUGE step in life, when I've barely lived myself. I tell myself that I am still too selfish and irrespoinsible for children right now. I tell myself that I need to be married for a few years first, and we know that step is still as elusive as ever for me.
Basically, I fight the ticking of my biological clock. I fight every maternal instinct in my body. I hold out, because I'm not ready and I AM still too selfish and irresponsible for children right now. I just can't help but yearning for when right now isn't right now, when it's later and it's time to be ready.

I do so tire of telling myself no, though.