Narrowed Down

It's only been a day or two since my resolutions were made, so I am still very gung-ho about resolving them. I'm trying to tackle the largest one first.

Trying to figure out what I am supposed to do from a logical point of view was what I thought I should do. So first things first, I needed to narrow down the precise problem I was having making the decision. I have quickly decided that this is the precise problem I am having... I have too many problems. Let's list them out.
1. I am not a person who should be left to her own recognizance. I need guidance. Obvious, blinking signs pointing at the right decision kind of guidance. Usually my intuition suffices just fine for this. But in the making the decision that will set the rest of your life at your feet department my intuition has been overloaded.
2. I have no clue what I am really good at. Admitting this is tearful. You would think by 20 that I'd have some sort of self efficacy in my abilities. You would think wrong though. Very, very wrong.
3. I think the reason I don't know what I am good at is that I don't know what I like. That's false. I like a lot of things, it's what I love that leaves me abdicated. I don't know if I like anything enough to love it and want to pursue it for the rest of my life.
4. My mind is another HUGE issue I am dealing with. Let me give you a brief example of what is in my head; "I think that maybe I should be a drama teacher. I was good at that. I fit in with the theater crowd. I would be happy teaching it and being involved with it for the rest of my life. I would really love teaching the make-up section, oooh and how to do hair. Maybe I should be a makeup and hair stylist, like for weddings. I do really love weddings. I should probably go with my plan of having my own wedding planning business. Ugh this is hopeless, I'm going to watch TV. OOOOH HGTV. Favorite channel. I do love decorating. I could totally be an interior designer, I have some really unique ideas. I'm definitely a nester. Ugh, commercials. Let's see what else is on. Hmmm NatGeo Shark program. Sharks are so cool. They are probably my favorite animal. Yeah, they are. Maybe I could be a marine biologist. That was definitely the science class I did the best in. Ooooh, but I couldn't do all that disecting stuff. I got really sick when we did that in class. Well maybe I could just work with the animals and not do any of the gross stuff like that, like be a trainer at SeaWorld or something. First I would need to lose weight so no one could mistake me for one of the whales instead of a trainer...." See why that's problematic. This took place over the course of about 5 or 6 minutes.

Okay, so it's really only four major problems. They are big ones though. I don't even know where to start trying to solve them. Like, how do I even try to solve the mind one. I don't know how to make myself just shut up. That in itself is probably a problem. I know that I have to stop waiting for a big obvious path to fall right at my feet, so we can put that one to the side for now too. That leaves me with trying to narrow down my infinite interests to things that I really love. Like sharks, I really do love them. But how am I supposed to know if I'd be any good at working with them. It all seems like a big vicious cycle to me. I also can't help but thinking that it's not supposed to be this hard. I have to be the only one making it this hard for myself. I know it's not true, and I know there are lots out there who also don't really know what they should be doing or so I'm told. Maybe we should all get together and start a big club. That would work for me.

Well, I'm not any closer to my end result (deciding upon a career path for myself) but at least I'm making a big effort at trying to. I think I deserve a cookie apple (dipped in caramel).