Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

It's crazy how everything changes from one day to the next with me. A couple of days ago thinking that would have stressed me out, today not so much though.
I am on an endorphin high while typing this, so a breakdown could come once I get off of cloud nine. Even if it does, I know that I'll be okay because I have lungs to breathe and legs to ride and elliptical bike for over an hour walk on. At the end of the day I know that I have everything I need to survive whatever hardships are thrown my way. So, safe to say, freak out mode from the other night is over and done with :)
Thanks to an old friend of mine's recent facebook post, I now know the full version of a prayer that got me through many a high school freak out. The Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

excepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, the way this sinful world is, and not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;

that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

There was a time when being supremely happy in the next life with Him made me just as so in this life now. When I didn't take for granted the ease of life. When I looked at mishaps as blessings in disguises. I ask myself how I got so far away from that place; how in the world did I stop discerning between the things that I could and could not change (let alone praying for the grace of wisdom to do so); when exactly I stopped taking things the way they really are and not as I would have them? I wish I could say that the answer matters, but alas it doesn't. If I had my way, I'd probably be married with a few children right now, and clearly I'm not ready for that. So instead of lingering on the fact that I could be an even bigger mess than I currently am, I'm going to take the blessing that I'm not (and that I've realized I'm not so hopeless after all) and run with it.

Target didn't work out for a reason. I was seriously thinking about going long term with it. Business/managerial schooling, the whole nine yards. That wasn't what I was supposed to be doing.

I think that I've FINALLY been enlightened to my path. One I left and doomed to hopeless, but one that still made me happy to entertain. I'm coming back to theater. It's official. I loved doing that like I loved God, what seems so long ago. While I won't be supremely happy until the next life, and I'll still have hardships as my pathway to peace, I know that I'll definitely be reasonably happy in this life with that choice.

It's still life, changes can and will still happen, but for now: I have direction.