Nail Biting.

I was never really a nail biter as a child. I was a hair chewer. That, however, has nothing to do with my topic for tonight.

I am terribly lost, and scared, and confused. I am 20 years old, and I honestly have no direction in life. I've tried to tell myself that it's normal, that tons of people feel this way, that I'll figure it all out. I, however, don't feel normal, know other people who feel this way (but it doesn't seem to help), and feel like I am getting further and further away from where I am supposed to be headed. Which raises the question, am I supposed to be headed somewhere? I've always felt so sure that the answer was yes, and that the somewhere I was headed was really special. Lately though, I can't help but think that I am just going to settle for life. That scares me. Terrifies me might be more accurate.
I've heard from everyone for as long as I can remember that I am going to be great someday. That I am going to have a terrific, unique career. That I'll be a great home maker, wife, and mother. That whatever I set my mind to, it's mine to obtain. I think I've come to the conclusion though that they had to tell me that. What if I'm nothing that people think that I am? I've never been the best, and I don't fore see a time when I will be the best. That scares me.
I've prayed so many times for the guidance that I need, but I am still sitting here waiting. I am waiting to be told what I need, because I can't for the life of me seem to figure it out on my own. I don't even know what I want anymore.
I've gotten really good at hiding these fears that plague me with insecurities, but tonight I can just find no solace. I'm sure I'll regret these words, this glimpse deeper into me than I ever let anyone go, but I just had to spill them.
I want to lead felicitous adventures, but I just don't know how... and that scares me.