Beautiful Ending?

''Oh, why do I
Let myself let go
Of Hands that painted the stars
And hold tears that fall?
And the pride of my heart
Makes me forget
It's not me but You
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You
And dying from me''
-BarlowGirl

Today was communion Sunday at church, and for the first time the gravity of mercy and grace hit me square in the face. Or more pointedly, in the tear ducts.
I've been struggling so very much lately. Knowing that it's not I in control, but the Lord, yet still trying to do it all on my own.
My way brings nothing but hurt, and pain. It brings pain and regret and remorse. So why do I keep letting go of the hands that created me and everything around me? Hands that have mercifully saved.
I learn more and more with each day that I need God so much. Not the boxed in God that I keep on a shelf either, but the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent Lord of the Universe. The God that searches my soul and knows my heart.

''God, search my heart. Weed out all that is not of you. I want to lose myself once more in you. Take my life back, let me know that it is no longer I, Lord, but you. Let my every breath be breathed for you. I love you with all my heart God, please let me show that love to the world.''

"So tell me,
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful,
So beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by your side?
Your love is beautiful,
So beautiful."