Silence is Golden

If you have been following this blog, then I think you have a pretty accurate description of me. I'm sure there is a lot more to me than what you have read because there is a whole lot of stuff I can't put because I have no idea how other people see me. I have only given you my side of the story if you will. That being said I think it's pretty safe to say that I am a fairly lively person who desires noise. I like the noise of all the things in my life, all the people I have been blessed to count as friends, my wonderful pug Rudy and my mother and grandmother. I even desire the noise in my head -all the thoughts which flow freely about ensuring that my head is not empty nor silent.
But I think I am arriving at a new lesson to be learned - the value of silence. Most of my life I have been taught to assume that silence is something negative. That it is something that is scary and lonely. Very similar to the way we have been taught to be less appreciative of gray days as opposed to sunny ones. Gray days are meant to be sad days, they are meant to make us yearn for days when the bright rays of the sun bask us in all their warm glory. But I have learned to be just as appreciative of gray days as I am of ones where the largest, brightest, and warmest star in our galaxy can be seen and felt. And now I am learning that sometimes you are supposed to have silence, and that the silence is not supposed to make you want to go crazy.
Today I turned off everything in my house. My computer, all the televisions, the central air system... everything. I desired to just sit and be. I honestly was expecting it to be something scary, to not like sitting in emptiness. But it was much less empty than originally assumed. In fact the silence I experienced today was quite full, full of the energy that is life. I could actually sit and LISTEN to my breathing. I don't think I have ever consciously listened to the air coming in and out of my lungs through my nose and mouth before. At first I was focusing so hard that I would actually hold my breath for a split second before exhaling it. I listened to the breathing of my pug, and all the other little noises he makes. I realized that his breathing sounds like constant snoring. I also listened to the chirping of the birds just outside my house, who didn't realize that I was aiming for complete silence apparently. But rather than be put out by their pleasant chirps, so obviously full of life, I made myself be appreciative of them. I sat and listened the whoosh of air being forcefully pushed around by the blades of my ceiling fan.
Most importantly, I enforced and listened to a silence in my head today. It was... astounding. To sit and just focus on being, and to push any thought that would distract me from that away. I've never felt so in the moment before, I've never felt my own existence like that. It was earth-shattering. Of course as soon as I realized it my concentration and silence was broken, but I was so appreciative of what I had received of it.
I'm still going to desire all the noise and distractions of my daily life. As long as I am in this world or the earth is still spinning I know that I will want those things. But now I know to want this silence to. I know that I can be more than okay with silence because it really, truly is golden.