Small Steps.

I know that I am not the person I want to be. I, however, am not displeased with who I am. I would be though, if I were this person for forever. Which is why I must better myself. In definition, that is why people better themselves. They do not want to die the way they are.
I'm entering dangerous territory here. Usually, when I begin to desire change, I get over-jealous and nothing ends up changing at all. So any change I desire needs to come in small increments.
It sounds silly, but I'm going to start by sipping iced tea out of a mason jar on a warm day. Like I said, small steps.

I've been thinking a lot about babies lately. I really want to start a family. I know that it's going to be in the not so distant future. To specify, near future = within 1-2 years, not so distant future = 3-7 years, and the distant future is anything 8 or more years from now. I've really been thinking to myself lately how I can not wait to introduce my children to the Lord. He corrected that tonight, making me think how he can't wait for me to meet my kids.
You might remember my husband journal? Well, that died. Hard. I haven't written to him in far longer than I care to admit. I want to start a child journal though. It might be a little bit soon, however. It also might be a little strange. I was at a loss of words of what to write to my future husband. Imagine the writer's block trying to write to your barely preconceived notion of a child. Do I tell them the mistakes they shouldn't make? Do I tell them my regrets? Do I say "mommy loves you even though she doesn't even know who daddy is yet?" Oh, conundrums. Referring to myself as "mommy" seems so foreign, which lets me know there are still a multitude of small steps to take before I can use that title.

"God, please guide my baby steps. Guide me in all my steps Lord. I know not what plans you have for me, but Jesus please take me by the hand and lead me."