It's been quite some time since I've visited with a white coat. I mean, I've had my basic tests done, but haven't really had my body checked up. If I get I cold, I
I am now starting to think otherwise. A couple of weeks ago, I got a stomach bug out of nowhere. I only actually vomitted a couple of times, but I was nauteous and dizzy for a couple days. My feet used to be really soft. I got the occasional blister, but now they are just rough and I've got calluses and the bottoms are all peely. It's really gross. I've been contributing it to my work shoes. I've got to wear steel toe boots and I stand for twelve hours on hard cement floors. It seems natural that I would make this conclusion. Then last week, I had this zit on my chin. Well, I thought it was a zit, but it's now festered into a cold sore type lesion, that's oozing. I also have swollen lymph nodes in my chin and neck that I am associating with it. To further my list, I discovered some sort of rash under my breasts last night. I want to say that this is just from wearing a sports bra to work, and it's some sort of heat rash, but the little bumps are filled with pus.
On top of everything else, I've got a billion bug bites,half a million bruises, and am on my period. I really think my body is trying to tell me that something is up. Only, I am really scared to find out what it is. Like, terrified. I'm so scared that I'm going to go and get diagnosed with some sort of disease that will limit me or shorten my life. It's so much easier to play down the symptoms and self-medicate yourself when you don't know that you have a deathly illness. I'm not a fighter, I don't think I'd survive something like that. I don't have the strength. I've never been any kind of strong.
I just know that seeing any sort of physician is going to bring me some bad news. News that I really don't want. News that I am not preparred to hear. Which is ultimately the reason why I probably won't go see one now, even though I probably really need to.
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